she needs a sign around her neck stating, “I held up an entire flight of people because I can’t read my ticket and bullied someone into trading the wrong seat with me.” (I was not the bullied. I would have kicked her in the shins.)

Direct quote from a SWA1180 passenger, “well, if there are only middles left, then let’s see if there’s a window in the back.”

I can’t remember the last time I flew on Southwest out of LAX. It is a shitshow. There are no restaurants, the starbucks line rivals security, the passengers are dressed for Walmart and there is a bird loose in the terminal. and everything is FILTHY

I am going to contract a disease. There isn’t enough Hello Kitty Hand Sanitizer in the world to protect me.

Her name was Polly Esther.

Can’t make that shit up.

757 bound for Honolulu.  This flight is full of freaks.  

Like the Lincoln tall man in the blue gingham shirt, who is too big for the plane, who insists on thundering up and down the aisle trying to figure out which lavatory line is the shortest.
There is one in the middle and two in the back and you can see the smoke pouring out of his ears as he tries to do the math.

Then take the goth in the rolling stone tongue print tights.  She’s too angry for Hawaii.

And the hoodie twins across the aisle from me who are so hungover I am afraid I’m going to get hit with the imminent vomit

And the kids.  There are a couple loose on the plane.  I think they’re going to visit Pan.  Why can’t they be controlled?

And all the loser purser can do is walk around muttering, “seatbelt sign is on.”  Who gives a flying fuck.  No one is seated anymore.  It’s like a bad dream.

these two are hacking up a lung in the gate waiting area. looks like I’m bringing more than tangible souvenirs back to the mainland

Click on the link below to view the file.

scorsatto weyers holiday letter 2014

“wondered only how something that isn’t there can hurt you.”

Excerpt From: Green, John. “An Abundance of Katherines.” Speak, 2008-08-14. iBooks.