okay, so, this is all based on 2nd hand information and I reserve the right to use creative license as I see fit.

so, there is this dude, he is post 50 and sports a ponytail. he will be referred to as Pony Boy or Unicycle from here on out.

he told the owner of our gym that the beat workout is done on ones unicycle. (Hence nickname #2). Unicycle claims that he used to ride his one wheeled machine from Venice Beach to the Hollywood Sign. seriously. how would one accomplish this given Los Angeles traffic? but I digress.

about one month ago, Pony Boy approached the owner of the gym and advised that his daughter is breastfeeding and is considering selling her surplus and would he be interested in purchasing the superfluous milk for the Athletes?

and then the jokes started.

and then I had a brilliant idea.

and thus, Unicycle Brand Breast Milk for Athletes was born.

So, upon entering my room at the Courtyard in Bentonville, ARKANSAS, I quickly realized that the toilet was out of order.  Given my vast experience with non-working toilets, I knew what to do.  I removed the lid of the tank and took a quick peek.  It was easy to see what the issue was … the ballcock was broken.  (who uses a completely plastic ballcock in what is essentially a commercial toilet??  but i digress).  i flushed the toilet manually and headed to bed.  as I was leaving this morning, for my very important meetings, i advised the front desk of the situation in room 310.  i admit it.  i took great pleasure in advising Brendan that my ballcock needed replaced.  Ah, the look on his face.  Good times.  He advised that he would have my ballcock replaced while I was out and all was well in the world.

her cell phone conversation is so GD important that she’s sharing it with the entire lobby. fun is being had by all. “did you know that Gordon is dating a model? oh, I know, right? I don’t think she’s a real model.” blah blah blah

dude. this is an airport. not your personal office. no one wants to hear you try to sell your religion or vitamins or make-up. and really, phrases like “you’re so dirty,” are completely inappropriate for a family airport