some fucking rednecks behind me just tipped a WHOLE DOLLAR for two house cabs and a diet coke at a RUTH’S CHRIS. in Atlanta, but still

“Have you tried Tango? It’s a free app”

“Yep, I’d like a couple of magic meshes so I can create a privacy barrier so my husband and I can sunbathe out at our desert house”

knows it’s going to be a noteworthy day when the alarm goes off, she sits up in a strange bed and yells, “oh, fuck.”

“I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.”

I can handle this once a month stuff … I can’t go back to every week. I cannot believe I survived so many years of it

LAX to Dall-ass.
exit row briefing. guy behind me, English is not his first language, wouldn’t confirm with the FA that he was okay with sitting in the exit row. finally, he was like, oh, yes! I open the door if you have an accident. The FA, was like, um, yea, but I doubt we’ll have an accident. perfect, dipshit. now we’re all so ready for wheels up!

first class passengers always hold up boarding. drama. they should board last or have a second entrance

so, it’s Tim’s birthday this week. one of his favorite things in the world were hostess gems … powdered. well, I found some that sell in a box that taste the closest to hostess that I’ve tasted. so I bought a box and made my own “gems.”