Lola is acting very strange. Like that night she killed a opossum in the backyard and brought it in to my bedroom as an offering. I have an early morning call tomorrow morning … I can’t deal with dead animals too. I hope she’s just being dramatic

I have been so out of it that tonight is the 4th night I’ve slept in my bed since I got back from Florida and I just realized I don’t have any pillowcases installed. sad

just flew cross country in a pair of black trousers that had bird shit on the ass. why? because I sat in bird shit at my mother-in-law’s funeral and in my mental exhaustion at 0500 EST this morning, I pulled on the wrong pants. I am horrified. why can’t the birds clean up after themselves? fucking aviators.

and I just figured out that the front a/c vents have not been open the entire time. this means my idle cursing at a dodge Durango with 12 miles on it was all in vain

Marriott is 100% smoke free. No exceptions. Thanks for the asthma attack, assholes in room 520. Marriott comped my room for the night … why? Because the douchebags in 520 are fined $250 for their malfeasance. Marriott still wins.

just saw Alicia. old friend of Joe’s from Florida. I first met her 12 years ago. Joe introduced me to her, at one of their friends’ weddings, in a Catholic Church. She said hello and proceeded to tell me that she’d slept with my boyfriend. Classy

We are walking out of the hotel room for the investiture. It’s dressy. Good news. Slacks are too big. Bad news. My sandals I brought are two right feet. I have two pairs and grabbed the wrong ones. At the last minute I threw in a pair of blood red flats, so at least I don’t have to wear casual sandals. Or skull flops

Eating food on an airplane is like buying food at Big Lots.

En route to Florida, I was served cheese, crackers, fruit and a piece of chocolate. The types of food were recognizable…bleu cheese, Munster, water crackers, chocolate … but I’d never heard of any of the brands. Just like at Big Lots.

I wonder if the airlines sell surplus to Big Lots?

Curious. I am all about the connections.

You’ve managed to find 1.5 ply bath tissue. I’m going to have to secure my own. I am a delicate flower.

first class. one baby. one loud 2 YO. BULLSHIT