barf

forgot to mention that there was blood on my pillow last night and it wasn’t mine. fucking Texas.

this isn’t my wilshire blvd. I’d like to go home now, please

screaming baby in first class is going to make me lose what’s left of my mind

I have limits. The site of a grown man feeding his grown girlfriend a croissant in the middle of a filthy boarding area is just about enough to make me throw up, Kenny-style

I love you

I find being up at 0400 to make a flight to a place that is 40 degrees hotter and incredibly sticky frankly unconscionable.

may have had the most embarrassing thing in the world happen to her tonight. she is still so mortified that she cannot speak about it any further at this juncture. she’s so undone that she cannot write in the first person right now. she hopes this is funny someday

if a fire breaks out I can assure you that their renovation note will mean nothing to me

screaming + crying babies on planes, I get … kicking + screaming 5 year olds = bad parenting. ZIP IT!